People-pleasing, an all-too-common habit so many high-achieving women face and this often stems from a genuine desire to make others happy and putting others needs before your own and often is result of things we may have experienced during childhood. Especially around validation and approval. 

People pleasing can be detrimental to your overall mindset, wellbeing and quality of life and you are here to live a life that truly lights you up!  Not one where you feel drained, overwhelmed and constantly putting everyone else’s needs before your own!

Overcoming people-pleasing is a transformative journey that empowers you to live a life true to yourself. Here’s how you can begin this journey towards emotional and mental freedom and taking back your power! 

Understanding People-Pleasing

People-pleasing often puts others’ needs and desires ahead of their own, often at the expense of their own well-being. This behaviour can be rooted in various factors:

• Fear of Rejection: Worrying that saying ‘no’ can lead to abandonment or disapproval.
• Desire for Approval: Seeking validation and acceptance from others to feel worthy and valued.
• Conflict Avoidance: Preferring to avoid disagreements or confrontations, often by agreeing with others even when it contradicts personal beliefs or needs.

Recognising the Signs

To break free from people-pleasing, you first need to recognise the patterns and how this is playing out in your own life first. 

Here are some common signs:

• Difficulty Saying No: Feeling guilty or anxious when saying no, leading to overcommitment and saying yes to everything and everyone feeling overwhelmed 
• Neglecting Personal Needs: Frequently sacrificing your own needs, desires, or well-being for others.
• Seeking Constant Approval: Continually looking for validation from others to feel good about yourself.
• Avoiding Conflict: Agreeing with others to keep peace, even when you disagree. 
• Perfectionism – the desire to make sure everything is perfect and to avoid any mistakes that might lead to criticism. This can also be the result of having a narcissist in your life

Ok so now that we have looked at how people pleasing shows up, let’s look at ways to overcome it!

Steps to Overcome People-Pleasing

Self-Awareness:

Reflect on your behaviour and identify situations where you might tend to people-please. I love journaling for reflection of patterns and their triggers.

Set Boundaries:

Learn to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty. Start small by declining minor requests and gradually build up to more significant boundaries. Remember, setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and from a place of love.  And when you feel the need to over explain yourself arise.  Catch yourself and reframe! 

Practice Self-Care:

Prioritise your well-being, this is so important! Engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. Self-care reinforces the message that your needs are important and you can’t show up and be your best if you are giving from a place of empty.  You want to show up from a place of overflow! 

Build Self-Esteem:

Develop a strong sense of self-worth independent of others’ opinions. Only you get to decide your worth!   Focus on your strengths and achievements. Positive affirmations and surround yourself with people who lift you up and inspire you! 

Embrace Discomfort:

Understand that saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries is going to feel uncomfortable in the beginning. Embrace this discomfort as a sign of growth and expansion. Over time, it will become easier and feel a lot more natural!

Speak Your Needs:

Learn to communicate your needs, speak your boundaries and let others know how you like to be treated. Share your thoughts and feelings.  This is so powerful in supporting you to reclaim your power!

Work With a Coach:

 Working with a coach can truly help and support you fast track your success.  A coach will see you at your highest potential and from a lens that you might not be able to see yourself. A coach also holds you accountable and can help you see your blindspots while empowering you to overcome obstacles, old beliefs and truly thrive as you unlock new levels. 

The Benefits of Overcoming People-Pleasing

Breaking free from people-pleasing leads to numerous positive outcomes:

• Enhanced Self-Respect & Worth: You develop a stronger sense of self-worth and respect for your own needs and desires.
• Authentic Relationships: Relationships become more genuine and fulfilling when based on mutual respect and honesty. You no longer have to hide and can be your true self. 
• Improved Well-Being: Prioritising your own needs and practising self-care lead to emotional and mental freedom. 
• Empowerment: You gain confidence and empowerment to live life on your terms, making choices that align with your true self.

Conclusion

Overcoming people-pleasing is not about becoming selfish or disregarding others’ feelings. It’s about finding a healthy balance where you prioritise your needs and self care so you can show up as your best self and give from a place of overflow which truly benefits everyone. 

By embracing self-awareness, setting boundaries, and practising self-care, you can break free from people-pleasing and become your most authentic self and live a truly fulfilling life. Remember, the most meaningful relationships and experiences come from being true to yourself. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will ever have! 

So let me ask you, what would it mean for you to finally overcome people pleasing, start putting yourself first and start fully trusting yourself?  

I can imagine a whole lot of freedom right! 

If you want to dive deeper and would like my support I have spaces open in my 1:1 coaching Radiant YOU where we can work on dropping those old patterns and replace them with new empowering ones that will support you in living your best life and truly thriving in your personal life and your biz!

Book your free call here to apply!